Monday, November 25, 2013


it’s a thank you on thanksgiving
it’s a time to mash, to roast, to hug warmth
feasts laden with cobalt, sterling & boats of gravy
shine, shine, shine that silver

i am so grateful
and it’s one of those things that never fills me up,
I crave more
I want to thank the world
the threads in my clothing
the pores in my skin
the static in the dryer because I am so lucky to have a dryer, things like that

I want to hear what you are grateful for
and then I can say thank you for all of that too
I can fit everything into this huge belly
devouring this amazing life

it’s so important to drop down
to feel it all
to let that shutting down thing go
why be here?

why live life if you can’t feel anything or you only get to feel what you want? as though you are able to get down and deep into the molasses and pick and choose what feels good i wish or maybe I don’t but I was not given that choice this time around

I want unconditional
I want to feel it
I want to tear all of our clothes off and box this shit out
I want to peel it, shred it and then smear icing all over it

balance could work too

and then I want to drop down even deeper
like the big dipper, shine those lights, be who you are
most people will not understand and that’s ok
some people will hate you and that’s ok
i am so lucky that I have a body that loves me
i am so lucky
i am sad too
i am hurting with my heart so grateful, it’s potent with
rawness and fluffy like a yam soufflé
i am a feast
i am thanksgiving
all I want to do is thank you
and then I want to understand everything

wooden spoons, ivory iron clad casserole dishes,
amber glasses with iced tea
orange pekoe or English breakfast
she loved oolong and jasmine
but hot, at a chinese restaurant on a sunday

I want to know where I stand
where to hold your hand
so that I don’t hurt you
why are we friends
if all I do is hurt you
if you can’t tell me
then you don’t know me

I am growing everyday
I am thanksgiving
I am a survivor
how can you teach the class
if you have not survived
the way I have?

how can you be thanksgiving if I am thanksgiving?
what is this cul-d-sac sack in the middle of the highway?
I need to get around this
I need to drive past something that makes sense
I am lost and the maps burnt off the side of the boat
when I was praying for things like freedom and intuition and poetry sundried with copper river salmon

and it’s foggy in here
and I need some sunglasses
oh maybe this cat mask will do
it will lighten every one up and
I am grateful for being good at that too