birthday post//part 1//everything.

i found this old wish on my walk this morning
i am wondering if it has come true yet
are they still working on it?
making room for it
trying to make it work
within their lifestyle

every time i blow out a candle
i make a wish
usually about health or abundance
i wonder where it goes
what it takes to birth it
you know, make it happen

i want everything

i remember my everything when i
make a left off the 110
move the wet into the dry
soak the egg pan
draw the kids bath
and now, when i finally sit down with you
it's not as easy to remember

i want to feel happy all the time
i want to have a daily nap
& when i start to nap a little
i am probably going to want to nap some more

i want my body to feel better
i want to be friends
i want to eat dinner out
i want to go to the movies
i want to be alone
i want to go on vacation
i want to buy things, like shoes, good quality t-shirts,
blouses, dresses oh and some sandals too

i want a life long membership to empathy
another one for massages, facials and all the up keep

i want a trip, every 3 months,
to check in with me,
meet my husband again
check in with our marriage
our values, our parenting, 
our world that we are creating together

i want to soak inside my voice
sponge bath my way to me
float on the emotional support
that i am so hungry for

where do i ache
what needs to be filled up
the granola in the french terrine
the breast fed breasts
the tears that have been waiting in a single filed line
the wishes
the pink candles
the mourning for days of rest, days for another life perhaps
the gratitude, the blessings of this life
the fragile wrists, fingers, knees & toes

the truth inside who i am, who i want be,
what's growing inside me
my posture & my smile
i don't mean to hurt anyone
i also do a lot of dishes, laundry, toy pick up & feeding the dog

birthdays are an opportunity to go inside
draw the shades & see what is glowing in the dark
what do i need to change, shift, pay more attention to
the conversation is a poem of intentions, values, morals
where do i stand today and where am i headed tomorrow

i don't know how to do anything without a ritual, a swatch
of depth, some warm quinoa, sauteed kale & some flax seed oil

i want to prepare better for death
i want my body to feel stronger
i want to feel flexible, lucid, flowing
i want yoga
i want to sit criss cross apple sauce with my kids
i want to do a push up
i want to experience fearlessness
i want to have sex with my husband
i want sex to be easy, normal, no big deal
i want to make food for sick kids 
i want people to know about the need for beauty
i want to have all the money i need all the time
i want to swim in a warm ocean
i want to give money to those who need it
i want to travel
i want to show my children the world
i want to learn from other cultures
i want to experience more intimacy in everyday moments
i want to be a better parent
i want to stop myself before i lose it
i want to heal all the wounds
i want to trust you
i want to stop wanting so much
i want to hear your everything
xxxx