i'm here.

missing you.

missing me.

missing the spatula to turn the poems over, to turn something over. and i am turned over. definitely feeling burnt on one side, on the inside. trying to feel into when i might be ready to come off the heat and cool down. hoping for a gentler day, forgiving and open. this phase, this beauty ride. i want to find the balance. i want to stop the noise, this idea that i am so late, so behind, so tardy for my dreams. as these other dreams, the ones you can't even dream about because you can't imagine them...they are the miracles, oceans and beauties. i want to stay dressed in the blessed feeling. beauty sleeps so i can write down one more word. i am trying to teach her to soothe herself. i am trying to teach me to soothe myself. she keeps her little sweet mouth open hoping for something to calm her... and if the zucchini had a mouth, it would be open, up against the door of the fridge, crying for me to make that olive oil cake. the kitchen waits for me. the words wait for me. i do what i can with green zebra tomatoes, the beginnings of acorn & kambocha, little red pears. my first frittata with frisee and figs keeps me alive. empty cake plates stand proud and almost grounded. they inspire me. i didn't want to wait one more minute to let you know, i'm still here. just holding on, so i can keep going. holding on tight to this beauty ride. i want to feel light, a souffle of myself or even a crepe might work, flat & round. oh and thin, that could be nice. i could fill me up with berries and chocolate and a squeeze of lemon. i'm here and now i'm hungry. see you in the kitchenxxxx

the process.

i saw this on my sweet friend kee's blog, nativekee & it resonates so deep in the kitchen... especially when your art form is being eaten very soon after the birth of it's creation... i think these are such important words to keep in mind.. print this. put it up where you can see it, read it, be reminded of this incredible process we are so lucky to dip our hands into... the only way to get better at this work is to walk through the fire and keep burning the rice... till you get it right! as you are on your way to nourishing you, as you are on your way to nurturing them. see you in the kitchenxxxx (thanks kee!)

last miracle (august).

last miracle in august....

there is something incredible that happens when women gather in the kitchen & eat....they start to feel nurtured, inspired, loved, empowered, good, great, amazing....

let's feed each other in this way!

friday, august 12

10:30 - 1:30pm

mt washington

$75

rsvp asap:

i must know if you can come by tonight (tuesday night)...

see you in the kitchenxxxx

ps... the next miracles will begin again in september!!

crowns & words.

i birthed beauty and the poetry inside that journey is still connecting the dots inside my hips, playing hide and seek in my joints and needs more water, more water, more water.....my body is still processing this next chapter. i might be here longer than i want to be.... i might be here after i have written and read the story many times. who knows. the heaviness that feels like me today, the pastry bags of my breasts, feeding beauty to keep her growing as i try to feed myself that other beauty.

the beauty inside rainbow chard, baby eggplants on a cake plate, the lemon basil in a ball jar on vintage cookbooks... breathing in all my bowls, the roundness feels like a safe place to land, to nap, to cry lots of tears... listening for an echo of myself, seeking my shadow, hoping to have a quick chat about the good old days... finding a swatch of myself somewhere inside this new landscape....

keeping the altar behind the sink real simple... bringing the shade down to keep it cool in there. that might be more important than all the other things.... inhaling gratitude, how blessed i am, and how heavy it still feels... exhaling trust, knowing it will pass, understanding that this is the life of a renaissance mama... wanting to do so much, yearning to water that poetry in my thigh to see what will come of it.... how will it grow once nurtured?

i want all that time back...

with my big ass wing, i pick up all my needs... one by one, combing their thin blonde hair... i look for those sweet chamomile buds & make a crown for each need, letting them know, i will be back soon.

stone fruit.

loving these in EVERYTHING right now... i actually can't stop eating them! they are in my salad with golden beets & avocado, they are baked (for 15 - 20 minutes on 400 bake) then add a leaf of basil & cream, they are roasted with my chicken inside lavender, rosemary & thyme or just cut up on the board! yum!

there are two farms that have the best. one - is the arctic star from regier's farm in dinuba, ca... you can find them under the orange kiosks at the santa monica farmers market on wednesday mornings & sunday in hollywood. they are so incredible! the other excellent ones are in hollywood on sunday & pasadena on thursdays afternoons... ken lee's farm in fresno. he also has amazing plums, pluots & new fruits coming out all the time. remember to try everything you buy & make sure not to buy the fruit too soft or when you get home, it will be ready for jam. they ripen fast in the summer.

AND buy fruit (& all your food) from good people... you will know them when you see them, you will feel them... if they are kind to you, they are kind to the soil, the earth & all that this piece of gathering the best quality means... i love to ask how they treat their land & if they are close to freeways... how they answer will also tell you everything you need to know. if they are open or resistant to being asked... it's all so important to know where your food comes from. enjoy & see you in the kitchenxxxx

circle.

*

you wanna know what is so incredible about this 'nourishing you' piece i keep feeding you?? i have to do it to myself first!!! YIKES! hardest part of the job.

with that said, i have a new & improved commitment to my physical health, full on. i want to feel light. let's start with lighter than a barge. my vessel created some people and i feel like a ship hit me in the night... ok maybe 2 ships.....alright... 3!! i am tired of not feeling good in my vessel!! (so that is the back story).

as a part of my regimen, i walk. last saturday, j had both kids and i had about a 1/2 hour before i assumed they would be home. what to do with one more 1/2 hour of freedom? (this is always the question) hmmm... there is not much i can do in that time frame to sate every single expectation to feel totally COMPLETE. i know, such a bad set up from the get go...and how many poems are waiting in that theme and in my hips? (another blog entry entirely)... i try to choose something that will make me feel GOOD... i decided to put on my sneakies and go take a walk. i was feeling so proud that i made the LEAP over the door frame to the outside world called my street. then to turn the corner.. woohoo now we are in business... left, right, left...the next thought was focus on the breath, inhale, exhale, work it. my sweet voices were cheering me on...'this was such a good idea!' 'yay me!' 'awesome to get out and move it, move it.'

then.....

i come to a place in the walk where i usually make a full circle. i look at my watch and see it's been a half hour... i'm thinking i should head home, j is probably there with the kids and if b is hungry, they all might be cursing my name! then i hear that sweet, supportive voice say 'whoa.... what are you thinking?' 'you have to do the full circle...i mean, it could really impede on your day... you have to do the full circle! right!?!? to feel complete and....' i hear the inside voice making demands with some doubt in her tone....like a little lemon rind hanging around, flimsy & really potent at the same time.

i take a big inhale, exhale & turn around to go back home....

i let a little time go by before asking 'who are you and where do you come from?' i mean....'why does it have to be this way? who says that's really true anyway, that complete thing? it's amazing that i even went on the darn walk!!'

then, the wiser voice (yep - there is more than one ;) chimed in, thank the universe! AND i realized this is how we feel in the kitchen... and in so many areas of our lives. do it to the fullest, only the best, make everything or don't do it at all... ALL or nothing...cook for 2 days on thanksgiving and that's it for the rest of the year .... right? NO!!! so not right. then we will never try anything new or do all the things we want to do until we have the time... and PS when is that?? in my life right now, there is nothing i can do completely. everything has steps, moments, a process. everybody has NEEDS. it's as though i need to ask them (my needs) to get in a single file line and to raise their hand to speak... it's deep.

we have so many expectations of 'it' before we even know what 'it' is!! for so many of us, it feels better to just do nothing than a little bit of something... the intimacy of not knowing how to do something or how & where to begin is so strong that we just don't ever go there. questioning your voices of right and wrong, circle or square, meat and potatoes goes on happening as we turn on the oven, look in the fridge, decide what will go on the plate and how we will serve it.

so after all this....

as i was walking home, i was excited to write these thoughts down to share with you and send out asap. from the corner, i could hear b crying... so i ran home to give her the breasty latte. now, a month later, i am sharing this story with you.....feels good to complete the circle. see you in the kitchenxxxx

****this cake plate is created by lisa neimeth/potter in san francisco/ love love love her stuff****

summer vibes.

missing you and the magic of sharing words...

earl grey tea on my tongue to start the dance, warm in the palm & somewhere is the ground.... sewing my way through the soil, planting seedlings with a needle & some cashmere nearby... hoping to suture myself inside calm & uneventful.. like gazpacho, cucumbers & avocado.

simple, sating, warm.

this is innate in the summer vibe, if you are lucky to catch on. you can feel it in the food... chilled soups, mellow melons, nectarines, peaches, berries with arugula and....

all i feel & do is rush, rush, rush... it almost feels like an illness.... rushing here, rushing there, rushing everywhere! i mean....really? is this life? i can't seem to take enough inhales to have one exhale.. i am even rushing to find a beach house so i can stop all this rushing!

the roots of this dis-ease may be growing from the beds of overwhelm, sleepless nights & the longest list of wants, desires & needs on this side of the mississipi. i don't know, just throwing some ideas out there. are you feeling this way too? is this the mama train everybody is on? the ONLY way it (meaning life) seems to pause, take a second, inhale and exhale at the SAME time.... is in the kitchen.

i know, shocking.

hold the phone.

this season gives us the gift of an ABUNDANCE of foods to cut up and NOT cook... maybe a little luring to get you in there? blending soups, tarts, salads, soft tacos, lemon cucumbers, pink lemons, sweet corn, orange cauliflower... oh it's good. it's the part of the day, other than right now with you, that i am breathing... oh, wait! i gotta get to yoga, i'm late! see you in the kitchenxxx

miracle.

gathering in this way, sharing this intimacy with food, learning where it comes from, how to buy it, what to do with it & more...being introduced to food in a new way, meeting beauty inside abundance, your innate ability to nourish YOU and your family in this way is looooong overdue.... share in this miracle that i feel so blessed to create in my kitchen... i love to feed & nurture you.. let us have this conversation over and over again... it's boiling inside each of us... how do we make it happen everyday?! feeding our families & all their needs, like lyrics, hanging in the air of our kitchens.... lets bring those words to the ground & begin a kitchen culture.. we are the shaman mamas... we are the ones who will make this happen, teaching our families how to eat, live & dream inside kale, chard & figs...

'MIRACLE' SUMMER SESSION:

FRIDAY, JULY 15

FRIDAY, JULY 22

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5

FRIDAY, AUGUST 12

10:30 - 1:30 pm

JULES KITCHEN

MT WASHINGTON

$75 per class or all 4 classes for $275 (save some green love) *****pay ahead to reserve your wooden bowl & get the energy going***** classes are intimate & fill up fast.....i'm happy to report ;)

THOUGHTS:

share the RM miracle love.....

bring a friend!

this is a beautiful, original gift to give yourself & friends..

you give, i give! 50$ class for you!

OR

invite the miracle into your kitchen:

gather some friends together for an event or

just to start the conversation! it's free for you!

money....

don't let the lack of funds stop you,

donate what you can

and come be with us

it always works out perfectly

cancellations....

if you can't make it, please let me know by tuesday night to reschedule if you have to cancel after i have gathered on wednesday, i will just use half of the fee so the next class will be 37$ unless you want to give more... always open to abundance (yours and mine!)

IT'S AN HONOR TO NOURISH, INSPIRE & EMPOWER YOU... SEE YOU IN THE KITCHEN...

Xxxx

RM @ bini birth.

tis' rare that i cater & cook the love for more than a few... i am not very good at math and big pots that i can bathe in scare me ;) and then... there is the amazing ana markel, my sweet friend who is an incredible woman, renaissance mama, doula, birth movement inspirer and creator/owner of bini birth, a space for mamas, pregnant women, doulas, midwives, doctors, couples & anyone who wants to know anything about pregnancy, birth, love, family etc.. she is doing amazing things out of her magical loft in north hollywood; changing the ways women & society, view, experience & understand pregnancy, birth and post-partum.. bini also serves as a conceirge service for anything you need in your pregnancy and beyond... i feel honored to have her in my tribe.... i also love to feed her! on wednesday, june 1, a very special mexican midwife, naoli, was in town to teach a one day intensive & ana asked if i would create the lunch for 70 people! here is how it went....

i really loved feeding everyone there... the food was celebrated with love & gratitude. thank you to all the farmers growing the love that continues to inspire me! also - i could not have pulled this off without cheri, mclean & marrrria... and yes i have my oscar in hand. i hope this inspired you a bit...lets get that fancy pants feeling in your water, get out to the market, make something delish... and COME gather in my kitchen, i wanna see you...everything starts in the kitchen...xxxx

it's time....

i am back and beauty is in FULL session!

let us

gather

inspire

empower

each other

&

let us get inside

this incredible piece we share

as women, mamas, nurturers of our hearth and home.

RM GATHERINGS in my kitchen for june & july:

thursday, june 9, 10 - 1 pm

thursday, june 16, 10 -1 pm

friday, july 1, 10 - 1 pm

friday, july 15, 10 - 1 pm

75$ per class**

how it works: rsvp now, send your check today & save your spot. please specify which gatherings you are signing up for.

these are intimate groups, they fill up fast, so i need your 'green' rsvp in order to save your wooden bowl...

**RM policy**

-don't allow the $ to stop you from coming, gathering, being a part of the love.... pay in full if you can, pay what you can otherwise

-if you can't make it, please tell me as early as you can OR by 9 am wednesday morning (the day before class) then you can come to the next class with your payment

-if you cancel after that time, i will have bought the food for your wooden bowl.... so i will only charge what the food costs and your next class you pay half again for food

-email me for where to send etc...

looking so forward to seeing you, continuing this kitchen conversation of nourishing your bodies & inspiring your bellies!! see you in the kitchenxxxx

OH! and ....please invite friends, send this to those you think would love it, give them this gift!!

blood oranges & rm gatherings.

i am inside a deep crush on blood oranges... they are so incredibly fancy in their simplicity. red gorgeousness. i wish i could wear them around my neck like a mala of red suns or citrus compasses to fancy land (i told you i have a crush)...they are definitely the 'prada suit' of the citrus family.... classic with a side of 'very casual regal' & a cup of fancy... whether you slice it in an RM water with basil (in a glass pitcher) or squeeze it for a dressing, on fish or any other yummy action.. it always fits in. no matter what the occasion, it always looks good on your resume. you can never go wrong with this kind of sun in your belly.

speaking of sun in my belly....are you feeling it?! now that beauty is out of my belly and showing me all kinds of new love.... i am returning to the amazing RM gatherings in my kitchen with the first one starting on june 9. it's a thursday at 10 - 1pm. the classes are in mt washington. if you are new to the blog, welcome and thanks for coming by! the gatherings are beautiful mornings in my kitchen where i nurture you in all ways beauty, food, connection & inspiration... they are intimate gatherings of women who bring such magic to the table. my goal is to empower, support & love your way into the kitchen..then you can nourish yourself & your family in this same way. for more information & to rsvp for the class, email me through the blog or at juleslove@mac.com. see you in the kitchenxxxx

we are everything.

is mothers day a set up or what? let's see how much i am appreciated in this house? does my partner see me and how much i do? lets schedule all the praise & accolades for one day and see what happens.... i think it is a total set up for everyone involved... and let's just call a spade, a spade... it's only ONE day!?!? that's crazy pants. i am not waiting till next may to feel good about my mamahood, have a brunch, go get a pedicure & be appreciated etc... this year i did three things different... first, i took it upon myself to get some self-care in.. i used a gift certificate to get a desperately needed facial & pedicure as my heels or hooves (more accurately described) were beginning to make holes in the sheets, i asked my husband to cook dinner and i wrote my mother an email of meaning instead of signing a quick card that i buy and send.... it felt good on many levels. i took care of me instead of waiting to be cared for in a way i need to be... which is like bowling a strike in the dark.

i don't believe in one day for mothers.

i do believe mothers day can be everyday in the kitchen...especially when you feel confident, empowered and inspired by what you create to nourish yourself and your family. how to do this? what does this even mean? well... it is an individual journey & so specifically delicate in it's nature from how we create the food we gather, where we gather it from, how the food is received by our family, our fears & loves in cooking, our desires & resentments in our lives, all of it goes into the food... it's so amazing to just bring up the topic of food & cooking with a group of women or one woman & see how much emotion can fill a room in a minute... we are layered like a cake when it comes to this kitchen stuff... it's deep & there is a reason for it.

we are everything when it comes to our family and food. we decide where & what to buy, where & how we eat whether we are at the counter or the table together, we decide what we eat on whether it be the good china or paper/plastic, the list goes on and we haven't even cooked anything yet!! we are creating the most basic, primal, intimate pieces & memories about eating and food for our children... we are the kitchen culture in our home. it's like a gene we all share... a blood vessel...a heart... we either replicate what we came from or we create a new cellular structure all together....

i have memories of pavarotti and the gap band... ziti & tomato sauce... cnn with larry king some nights... and kentucky fried chicken on the boat with steely dan playing in the background... i remember our glass table...how much noise it would make if a spoon or juice glass fell on it... i remember my mom in the kitchen....

i know we can do this together... we can support and inspire each other to create what we want inside the kitchen, inside our families and our bodies... help our kids to know incredible food, beauty inside and out, understanding that there is not just one day for the good set of silver, for gifts, blessings & praise... it's everyday, you just have to make it so. i am here to help. see you in the kitchenxxxx

PS: the next RM gathering is thursday, june 9. lets get in the kitchen again!

for japan with love.

so deep what is happening... mama earth is talking to us in a language that will get our attention... i want to wrap my entire spirit around the people of japan... and all of us fear fighters here, all of us mamas wanting to start family bed in the house so everyone can stay together.... 'just in case' becomes a mantra when this kind of tragedy strikes... what would we do, when will it happen, and on and on.... your mind can really go on a whirlwind... trying to calm the mind, allow the body to feel & send light and love to japanxxxx

banana bread.

have you noticed the trend in banana bread lately? i feel like it's everywhere! with the inspiration of 3 pretty ripe bananas on the table, i had to do something. i could not allow them to turn into the brown mush they are destined to become...and yes, the feeling to make something came from the crazy urge to not let them die that way. i am not an every week buyer of the banana because of the expensive flight they have to take to make it to my glendale whole foods... some weeks are more popular for a banana snack then others in our house. i tend to buy them more often in the hotter months because of smoothies and fun, cold things like that...

what's great about banana bread is.... you can put all sorts of things in it and make it your own, it's always a fan of the hot tea and it lasts for a week or so in a sealed something. i love having a sweet like this in the house so when a friend comes over you can share some yum with her because you just happen to have some to share.

banana bread (somewhat taken from smitten kitchen)*

3 to 4 ripe bananas, smashed

1/3 cup melted salted butter

3/4 to 1 cup light brown sugar (depending on the level of sweetness you prefer, I always use the smaller amount)

1 egg, beaten

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon baking soda

Pinch of salt

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1 1/2 cup of flour

add any chips, nuts etc...

Preheat the oven to 350°F. With a wooden spoon, mix butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the sugar, egg, vanilla and bourbon, then the spices. Sprinkle the baking soda and salt over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last, mix. Pour mixture into a buttered 4×8 inch loaf pan. Bake for 50 minutes to one hour, or until a tester comes out clean. Cool on a rack. Remove from pan and slice to serve.

*there is a slight possibility i went nuts (& chips) with the extra add ins... not sure if i loved all of it together.. just plain is also quite divine*

see you in the kitchenxxxx